New Light!

I'm trying something new this week.

Ezooone commission me to make a drawing, for special occasion he said, or maybe just to show appreciation. He just want a simple illustration, like the one I did in Heavy. At the beginning, I actually had finished sketching what he want, but I felt so uninspired and unsatisfied with what I see. I took the eraser and decided to start again from the beginning. There was a small voice coming from my heart, telling me to try drawing a portrait-style and I took a glimpse at the box of pastel hidden under the pile of paper. I never try this before, but my heart keep telling me that I should at least---try.

After I finished doing the sketch, I paused. I was so nervous to continue to the next step -- colorings. I afraid I will mess-up and ruin the sketch. I really took some hard time to decide whether I should just line the sketch with black pen and color it digitally (as simple as Heavy) or proceed with the pastel attempt. Pen...pastel...pen...pastel...pen...pastel....Ah! I still couldn't make up mind, but my hands had already chosen to whom they want to work with.

Slowly, step by step I begin to enjoy doing the shading and everything. It is my common habit, that in the middle of something, I always want to speed up my work and eager to see the final product. That's why I like to make small-sized artwork, because the bigger it is, the longer time it needs to complete. This is my fear, if I spend much time on something but at the end it failed, I will get bored and unmotivated. But in this case, I keep telling myself, I must be patient and take every step carefully or I will spoil everything.

It took 2 days for me to finish this portrait, if counted by hours, maybe 12-13 hours (size 12x9 for this portrait) including all the pauses, taking pictures and long-breath inhaling to keep calm. Haha. But I'm happy with the result. The portrait is now sealed in clear plastic, sticked on the fridge, waiting to be handed out to its owner.

Thank you ezooone, you helped me to unlock the potential that has always been overpowered by self-boundaries, waiting to be motivated. Isn't it true? Even if it's about facing our greatest fear, it's worth trying.